


Better in Picture

by TheNerdyTurtle96



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angst, But this fic is not centered on that ship, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, I love me some Bdoc, I refuse to use the real name tags, M/M, Recovery from Illness, Self-Reflection, Songfic, Tag wranglers stop tagging Hermitcraft as RPF challenge, breakdowns, nothing graphic though, two parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-26 13:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30106965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdyTurtle96/pseuds/TheNerdyTurtle96
Summary: They’re listening to the same song by sheer coincidence. They couldn’t possibly know that the other is feeling the same.(Song: “Polaroid” by Imagine Dragons)
Relationships: Docm77/BdoubleO100
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Never Can

Bdubs found the song on one of Doc’s playlists. It was surprising that the heavy-metal-fanatic would ever download modern rock, but it was there. He had been doing laundry several weeks prior and had saved Doc’s iPod from a miserable death in the washer. Since the cyborg hadn’t been home and there was no one else to restrain him, Bdubs downloaded several of the playlists to his phone, just to see what his boyfriend was listening to all the time.

That particular day, the one titled “Slow Day” stood out to Bdubs, who already wasn’t feeling great. He was in the process of recovering from a nasty case of the flu, and there was always someone around to make sure that he wasn’t trying to get back to the grind prematurely. It was also that annoying stage of sickness where you felt mostly fine, but would really regret doing anything a few hours later.

Combined with his congestion and imprisonment, it really was feeling like a slow day. Everything on the playlist fit his mood nicely, and it was interesting to guess why Doc might have made his selections the way he did. The man was a real mystery in general, but Bdubs knew that he had a reason for everything he did. He just didn’t always tell everyone what it was.

That was how he found the song, the one that he had been listening to on repeat for over an hour and was still hitting him as hard as the first play. Bdubs was most certainly _not_ crying… oh, who was he kidding? He was sobbing like a little kid with a badly scraped knee, unable to escape his own thoughts.

_I’mma hold my cards close_

_I’mma wreck what I love most_

_I’mma first class let-down_

_I’mma shut up, sit down_

Every line played right into his worst fears, but this particular section was worse than the rest. The little bells in the background taunted him, and the strong beat and bass kept the words tumbling around in tempo.

It brought back memories of all the times when he was suddenly thrust upon the spot. Oftentimes, it was after a hastily constructed lie had backed him into a corner. He hid it well, but his heart would pound so fast it seemed like it was attempting to escape, and a cold wave of numb terror would wash over his entire body. Grasping at straws, he would attempt to cover as best he could while clinging to any shred of truth that still existed.

He wasn’t going to tell them that he was holding all of his cards close to his chest because he had almost nothing. Not when they would chuckle at his panic and make a joke out of his fear. 

And whatever he touched, he destroyed. It was like King Midas, except the destruction was more obvious and the people were all too trusting. The NHO fell apart due to his fanatics and insanity. IDEA wasn’t really ever profitable, and he just piggybacked off of Xisuma and Keralis’ work. Every shop he got involved in seemed to tank in profits shortly after he became a partner. HEP lost the war, and Scar had trusted him to win, especially after Bdubs had managed to pull off a successful campaign for mayor. 

The only thing he hadn’t killed so far was his relationship with Doc, and even so, he had gotten far too close to that edge on more than one occasion. One of these days, he just knew that everything would fall apart, and it would most certainly be his fault.

Overall, people just put too much trust in him. Xisuma had somehow gotten the idea to invite Bdubs to Hermitcraft all those years ago and even start a business with him later on. Impulse and xB had happily agreed to let him get involved in their businesses, and though they didn’t say anything, he just knew that they were disappointed in him. 

He had gotten Scar’s hopes up, but he didn’t know what he was doing as captain of the mayor, or whatever his title was these days. He couldn’t win the war against the stupid Mycelium Resistance. Hell, he was surprised that his fledgling relationship with Doc had managed to survive that conflict.

Bdubs didn’t know what Doc saw in him that made the cyborg love him with a passion nearly unrivaled. He had no idea what Scar thought his talent was that made him important enough to have a place of power in the terraformer’s administration. Xisuma must have been insane or drunk when he sent the invite to Hermitcraft.

The only thing he was useful for was building alone. Sure, he could decorate an interior better than nearly everyone else on the server, and so many others asked him to do so for them. Yeah, he could build an entire medieval village from the ground up that made other hermits stare in awe. The castle was admittedly pretty impressive, but its progress had been disrupted by this stupid case of the flu. 

Without his ability to go out and build, he was useless. Perhaps the others didn’t actually like his buildings that much, seeing as they were going to great lengths to keep him from getting back to his projects. Why else would they spend that much time and attention on him? They really just wanted him to shut up and sit down, and eventually, he would be run out of town.

_I am a headcase_

_I am the color of boom_

_Never arriving and_

_You are the opera_

_Always on time and in tune_

_And I am the color of boom_

Speaking of that castle, there were still plenty of flaws to fix. The texturing of the outer walls could always be better, every room needed a gorgeous interior, and there was that end rod to take care of. Not so much the individual block as the shame attached to it for not filling in his massive mountain he had constructed from scratch. At least, the outline of a massive mountain. 

Would it take him hours and hours to fill it all in? Would he probably go insane? Yes and yes. But the challenge was from Etho, the one who actually had his life put together.

That guy could accomplish unbelievable feats of prowess in record times. His base was so original and beautiful, and he could just casually twist everything Bdubs had ever known about block schemes with a few minutes of brainstorming. His redstone contraptions were useful and innovative unlike Bdubs, who mostly copied his minimal redstone from the legend himself. His music was perfect, and hermits would easily chuck stacks of diamonds at him to construct a masterpiece for them. 

Etho was on the winning side of the war, and his brilliant tactics combined with Grian’s strategic mind had definitely pulled the resistance to victory. Bdubs knew that was true, as Doc had praised the guy many times for those things. His timing for setting up shops and getting involved in situations was always spot-on. Etho had thrown his heart and soul into Decked Out and emerged triumphant over the dungeon by a huge margin. 

When he threw his energy into something, no one else could compare, least of all Bdubs. When _he_ threw his energy into something, it set off a spark and exploded. The only thing that varied was how long the fuse was. 

So yes, Bdubs was crying, curled up on his bed with the curtains drawn and door locked. He could say that he was fine a million times, but this song was proving him absolutely wrong.


	2. Fill The Void

Etho had had the song on one of his playlists for a while. It was one created by Tango, who simply had fantastic taste in music and a real talent for creating the perfect mix. This particular playlist was titled, “Get Up and Dance,” which was up-tempo and really helped Etho through many a long grinding session. 

In Tango fashion, there was a twist. Towards the middle of the playlist, everything suddenly slowed down. While the dancing energy was still there, it was simply more subdued and demanded more intentional motion. Normally, it would continue to register as background noise to Etho while he worked. Today, though, something was off.

His good friend Beef had asked him to take a look at some of the redstone in his cyberpunk city. A few of the more complex signs weren’t lighting up right, and Etho happily took him up on the offer. When the one song started playing, the ninja was tinkering with the lighthouse effect of the sign at the casino. He had a small hatch open for access to the outside, but was otherwise completely alone in the room void of everything but redstone circuitry. 

Etho had worked with redstone for years, and the dust followed logical patterns that he knew by heart. However, that one song seemed to wipe his brain clean of all knowledge of how to complete the circuits, as well as every shred of his composure.

Salty tears rolled down his cheeks, falling onto his vest and staining the surface of his clothes. His knees were pulled tight to his chest, and his head was tucked inside, trying to hide from anyone who might possibly have a notion of coming by. 

_ All my life I’ve been living in the fast lane _

_ Can’t slow down, I’m a rolling freight train _

_ One more time gotta start all over _

_ Can’t slow down, I’m a lone red rover _

The pre chorus kept rattling around in his head, especially as for some reason, Etho had put the song on repeat. It was obviously not turning out to be a good decision, yet doing things that he knew would hurt him seemed to be a theme.

Etho knew that others envied his “commitment” and ability to throw his entire being into a project, making the end result absolutely stunning. However, when the project was done, he couldn’t seem to take all of him along to the next thing. Every time the figurative portal closed, a chunk of him seemed to get stuck inside and disappear forever. 

He’d throw his soul into his work, and bits of it would be destroyed when it inevitably ended.

With the NHO in season 5, Etho had been so excited to work with the group. He had dedicated all of his energy to the shenanigans, even though it was in a slightly different area than the rest of his friends. Still, one morning, he had woken up and didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t want to experiment with anything, build anything, or talk to anyone. 

When the feeling continued for nearly a week, it was time for a hard conversation with Xisuma, one that ended in him leaving the world with barely any emotion at all. It hadn’t been the first time he had left prematurely, long before anyone else called it quits. 

Season 3 was spent all alone, grinding away at a base that became his grand castle and self-imposed prison. Once there was nothing left to make spectacular, he had suddenly realized that he was tired. He left it behind, escaping to renew his energy and promising not to do the same. 

The next season, he had been on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, mostly working with others, especially Doc. Together, they created a fantastic minigame area. Etho had thought that the part that made him so tired and dissatisfied was not being social enough. Now, he almost felt too social. 

Unfortunately, the third time wasn’t the charm. He tried so hard to strike the balance, thinking that the issue at hand was not managing his time alone well enough. Spending too much time drowning in his thoughts was exhausting, but being around people all of the time was, too. Even with a balance, it didn’t work. He was still so incredibly tired, and this time, he had no idea why.

Etho wasn’t entirely sure why he had gone back for another round. By now, he was just waiting for the morning to come when he would wake up and suddenly be done with everything. Burnout always and inevitably ravaged him in this place, and he didn’t dare to get his hopes up that season 7 wouldn’t end the same way.

Even with the looming end hanging over his shoulder, Etho still tried to maintain his social balance, if only to prolong that cruel day for as long as he possibly could. That was part of the reason why he had joined the Mycelium Resistance. Grian was a great leader, the others were very enthusiastic, and Etho was just along for the ride.

He wasn’t sure why others thought that he was the true genius behind all of it. Everybody else deserved the credit, but in his mind, Impulse stuck out the most. His tactics were brilliant, and he was a great compliment to Grian. 

Really, the only useful thing that Etho ever contributed was the enderporter. Sure, it had worked well that one time. But the other time? It had gotten everyone into massive trouble. They almost died as a result of his creation.

_ I am a headcase _

_ I am the color of boom _

_ Never arriving and  _

_ You are the pay raise _

_ Always a touch out of view _

_ And I am the color of boom _

No, the real genius behind that particular invention wasn’t the inventor; it was the innovator, Bdubs. He was the one who saw the opportunity to reroute the ender pearls and use it to HEP’s advantage. He was the one who put in the time and energy to make sure the plan worked flawlessly. He was the one who reaped the rewards in the end.

Additionally, Bdubs brought up his ideas with his partner-in-government, Scar. Those two were quite the dynamic duo, and no matter how many jokes were made about their differing personalities, everyone knew that they were a perfect teammate for the other. Bdubs had quite the relationship with Doc, going from heated pseudo-enemies to ferocious lovers in barely a year. Their bond was strong, storied, and beautiful.

Bdubs could work with anyone on the server, knew exactly how to make them laugh, and remembered all the little things. He could handle any curveball thrown his way with his natural charisma, a trait Etho constantly envied.

At parties, Etho would stick to the walls, never initiating conversation unless it was with Beef, his best friend. He was a stereotypical clock watcher, only staying as long as he thought to be polite to the host. In contrast, Bdubs would work the room, his vivacious laughter filling the empty gaps in conversation before starting on another tangent. The man could visit all night and not get tired, whereas it took significant effort for Etho to participate in a voluntary discussion about nearly anything.

The real thing that set Bdubs just out of view for Etho was his commitment. When Bdubs chose to work on something, it would be done to the very best of his abilities, no matter how long it took. Etho sent along end rods of shame for not filling in builds because he was so impressed that Bdubs would actually take such extra time to do things the right way. In fact, the shame was more directed at himself than anyone.

When Bdubs got invested in something, he would stick with it to the very end. Etho couldn’t anymore. Too many times, he had learned a lesson after throwing all of him into something and paid for it with a piece of his soul. Now, he had issues with committing. If he got scared that something would take too much out of him, he would abandon it as soon as possible. Truly, his greatest fear was losing more of his soul.

He had slipped with Decked Out and let himself go perhaps a bit too much. Etho had won the game, yes. But it had also won something over him, taking so much out of him that went unsaid and unseen by most other hermits. A part of his soul was trapped in that dungeon, never to be set free.

There weren’t any easy solutions to his problems, and ignoring it wasn’t really an option. This song was making that point clear, reiterating the same beatdowns over and over again in his mind. There was a void in his soul where pieces of it had been lost over the years, and Etho honestly didn’t know if he could ever fill it again.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 will be posted next Wednesday, March 24th. 
> 
> Have a lovely day, everyone!


End file.
